Tired

I'm tired of being overweight and unhealthy. I'm tired of being uncomfortable all the time. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of being embarassed when I meet new people. I'm tired of shopping in the plus-size departments and settling for what fits. I'm tired of my weight being a barrier to all the things I want to do.

I'm totally sick and tired of it and I'm finally doing something about it. No, I'm BEYOND sick and tired of it.

You see over the side bar I've set my goal to 140. For the first time ever in starting over again, I could care less if I actually hit it. I just want to feel good about myself again. Not so much what I look like, although that wouldn't be a bad thing, I just want to feel good again. There are so many things I want to do and the weight just holds me back from it all.

I'm a 39 year old wife, mother of 2 teenagers and grandchild to a newborn little girl (Whatever you have to say about teenage pregnancy, please save it. I've thought/hear/read it all, thank you.) and I want to live to see them all grow up. And not just be alive, be ALIVE. Be active, not a blob on the couch. I want to be the grandmother that my granddaughter brags to her friends, "My Nana just hiked the Grand Canyon last weekend - again!".

I want to stop saying "When I lose weight (insert some activity, vacation, outfit)". I just want to freaking do, see, wear it.

We went to Sea World a few weeks ago. I was so worried about their being roller coasters there. Why? I was afraid I wouldn't fit into the seats. And I LOVE roller coasters - especially riding in the front. Then, there was the lady who I was standing with while waiting in line for the bathroom. Who asked when my baby was due. I almost started to cry.

I work for a small non-profit. In 2005 we held a long bicycle ride as a fundraiser where I ran the crew. Every single day I was exhausted, felt like shit and was embarassed being around all these athletes. They are riding 500 miles for our charity and I have to fork myself out of a chair at a rest station? Next year we are doing another ride, this one even harder and more remote. Now, I'll never actually participate in the ride. I'm a freaking klutz and don't think I'll ever belong on a mountain bike no matter how in-shape I am. But if our participants can train a year for it, I can train for a year and a half to be in decent shape to be a good crew leader. I won't lie, though. It will totally rock when people I haven't seen in 4 years see me at the ride. I hope they don't even recognize me!

Well, this was a very long introduction. Jennette from Half of Me has been a HUGE inspiration to me in her journey. I picked up her book over the weekend, Half Assed - a weight loss memoir and so many things made me sit back and nod - and try not to cry. She makes me feel that I can do this.

Why? Because I'm freaking worth it. My body deserves better than I've been treating it lately. Time to be nice to ME for a change, instead of everyone else BUT me.