How I began

I know that when I started this blog, I wrote an introductory post. But that was only part of the story. Now that I have a month under my getting smaller belt, I thought that I'd tell the rest.

Like many women, I struggled with my weight for years. YEARS. The last time I can remember being happy with my weight was in high school. Of course, I was WAY too thin back then...but what teenager listens to that? Fast forward through the next 10+ years through 1 difficult pregnancy, 1 normal pregnancy, 1 horrible marriage (followed by a nasty divorce), a few moves...and well, the pounds kept piling on and occasionally falling back off. Then I met my current husband, moved my kids and I across country and settled into a new life. Yet, even though I was happy, I couldn't stick with anything. Why? Who the hell knows. I'll leave all that self-analysis crap to Dr. Phil.

Then we have the last 2 years. My kids were now delightful teenagers. Their father died. My daughter got pregnant (again, PLEASE...no negativity, I'm begging you) and let me tell you...there is nothing more challenging than a pregnant teenager. Packed on more weight in the forms of anything I could get my hands on and in my mouth.

I've always been the person that did everything for everyone. No matter how tired I was or overworked. I gave and gave and gave until there was nothing left over for me. And when did I become someone who deserved nothing but leftovers anyway?

So...I popped one day. About 6 months of up and down depression led to my meltdown one day. No, I wasn't admitted to the psych ward (although, maybe that would have helped), I just went off. And I decided that I'd had ENOUGH. I...ME...was going to be FIRST from now on. MY well-being FIRST, everyone else afterward.

I'd admit, in the first few weeks I felt selfish. The kids were a bit surprised. People I dealt with through work were a little surprised when I didn't answer phone calls and emails 24/7 - but not upset. My husband even more surprised.

But they all were FINE. Imagine that. Not only fine, but doing great...doing things themselves.

And knowing they were all just as happy and healthy without me doing everything was quite liberating. It's made me a happier mom, wife and employee. In fact, my family has become really supportive.

Just this past Saturday, I was struggling a bit on the treadmill. My daughter comes outside with the baby and a sign the baby "made". It said, "Good Job, Nana!! I love you!!". It made every single struggle worth it. And I might have cried for the next quarter mile or so (and again every time I look at it!).

The moral of the story? Put yourself first. You deserve better than leftovers and your friends and family deserve the best you that you have to give.

I've waited a very long time to be this proud of myself.